Even Though I Grieve

Probably one of the biggest challenges of living a life of faith is how to reconcile loss and still trust that God is sovereign and…loving. Some of the darkest and weakest moments of faith come to us in doctor offices, hospitals, cemeteries, or tragically over the phone or when uniformed folks show up at our door. Sometimes we are given opportunity to prepare for loss and sometimes we are not. The heartbreak of loss demands our physical energy, saps our emotional strength, and often leaves us reeling in bewilderment of how to move on without our loved ones. Not to mention it casts a long shadow over our ability to be confident in the compassion of God.

This reality has been realized many times over as folks from every tribe and tongue have laid to rest their loved ones that have fallen victim to the virus. Perhaps you are someone that experienced this, or recently said goodbye to someone that has been lost to other perils. For sure death and its wake of grief is not a respecter of persons and it’s not a matter of if we will face it, but of course, when.

Though death is an unwelcome visitor, it is imperative to our souls well being to be reminded, it answers to a higher authority and is under the dominion of God Almighty. Despite as mere flesh and blood, we face this enemy, we do not face it unarmed or alone. Nor are we left in the aftermath of battle to bind our own wounds and suffer our losses without comfort. The Lord, Himself, has promised us He is with us in every moment of the raw pain and remains near to our broken hearts. As a follower of Christ, I do not believe that God causes tragedy, roams the earth and randomly strikes down human life to remind the universe He is in charge. I do not pretend to understand why children die, accidents happen, or families lose dads or moms. I do understand that I dwell on a imperfect planet. It is diseased, has laws of gravity and is influenced by many factors including the gift of free will of mankind. I also trust what the word of God says when it reveals that God will make all things right and that He will wipe away every tear from every eye. God is not off somewhere watching us grieve, indifferent to our suffering. I picture Him crying with me, holding me close, and speaking words of comfort to my heart that says “I can’t go on one more minute.” After all, God watched His only beloved son die for a mostly indifferent, ungrateful, callous people.

When Christ left heaven to dwell with us, He came to embrace all that living on earth offered, especially death. While His ministry manifested itself in what I believe as the ministry of comfort, it was His own death on the cross and His powerful resurrection that put death on notice, reminding it, it only had temporary power to wound but no longer could inflict a fatal blow. 

Think of Mary and Martha disappointed in Jesus’ untimely return, mourning the loss of their beloved Lazarus. But the scriptures also report that Jesus was so moved by the grief of death and loss that He wept. I see Jesus in my mind’s eye, celebrating with tears of joy streaming down His face as Lazarus came out of the tomb, laughing and shouting along with two sisters who joyfully welcomed their brother back. Consider the Widow Nain, who had lost a husband and now had buried her only son. Jesus stopped the funeral procession and raised the precious son back to life. I am confident Jesus walked away smiling that day. While these are accounts of amazing miracles. There are other accounts of loss that like us, that will wait to be made right later. Consider John the Baptist, who sent word to Jesus while in jail, “Are you the One or should we keep looking?”John, instinctually knowing death would be sooner than later for him in Herod’s prison. Jesus would mourn, as a few days later his cousin, John, the one who Baptized him, would be beheaded. Don’t we think that every disciple following close to Jesus at that time wasn’t having second thoughts about the cost of commitment? By the way, history reveals that the disciples excluding one died a martyr’s death. This tells me the comfort and hope that Jesus offered was so life changing that all were willing to die for it.

When I consider my own losses, I conclude that often my hopeless despair is based on one dimensional thinking. Of course, I would grieve at the loss of parents, a brother, a best friend, a spiritual mentor. God does not expect me not to. He created me with the capacity for emotion and the deep capacity that is made in His image, to love. However, the bible reminds me that even though I grieve, I should not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope. (1 Thess. 4:13). I have the hope of eternal life. I have the comfort of a savior who knows the ache of a goodbye but can see and brings the restorative joy in glad reunions. Jesus, in the Beatitudes promises us that those who mourn will be comforted. I love that Christ refers to the Holy Spirit as “The Comforter.” An indwelling presence, that is close and constant to help us weather all of the gains and losses we face in our life experience. God also promises the idea of death and separation has an expiration date itself. In Rev 21:4 it reads like this,

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning, or crying or pain, All these things are gone forever.” 

It is tough in the here and now to think of trading our sorrows for laughter, and the ashes of dead dreams for beauty. But that is what putting our trust in the Eternal Sovereign God who has swallowed death assures us. “Even Though” faith extracts hope out of our despairing grieving souls and calls us to live by His grace that holds us up under the weight of darkness and coaxes us to reach for the patches of sunlight that only God can cause to break through the clouds.

Today, Even Though I have said goodbye to those I love, for those who trusted God with their souls, it is a “see you later” already scheduled in God’s book of appointments. Even Though I have shed many tears over the losses I have faced in relationships, dreams and expectations, I am confident that God has all my tears saved in a bottle(Psalm 56:8). I have not mourned alone, but been surrounded by angels, and the comfort of the Holy Spirit, the sometimes forgotten God. Even though I know I will face other losses, I will trust God to fill me with His love to risk being loved and loving others.

An “Even Though I grieve faith,” doesn’t require my understanding. It is not a contract I can bargain out of, it only requires me to accept the hope Christ already offers. My grief is a testimony. He doesn’t offer me a self help course coping with death, He counteracts death by bringing life and bringing it abundantly.

I know all too well that this working out of our faith in the face of loss and grief is not instantaneous nor is it simple, but I do know that I serve a compassionate comforting God who is near to the brokenhearted and is trustworthy to bring the dawn of light after the dark night of the soul. The scriptures say Joy comes in the Morning. Even though I grieve…