Early mornings have changed here in South Carolina. Though the night is desperately clinging with a persistent grip to the humidity, the early mornings bring promise that Autumn is breaking through. I can smell it in the air. When I am out walking, the smell of burning leaves reminds me it is almost the most wonderful time of the year. But should my nose fail me, my eyes can’t miss the pumpkins keeping vigil in almost every yard and the fall foliage adorning most front doors. Stores are shrouded with orange, and the greeters are now smiling scarecrows. The smell of pumpkin spice saturates most coffee shops while the ideal pastry to accompany my drink sits in the case promising it will fulfill my taste buds with what my nose has already announced that the encounter will be worth the calories. But Autumn 2020 has been different. I smell something familiar but its scent is unusually strong this season. I smell fear. It lingers in the air in conversations with family and friends about things like the state of the economy or the upcoming elections. I get a strong whiff of scary scent every time someone voices a question like, “I don’t know what will happen to us” or: Can we really ever recover from all this?” I smell and see fear on the faces of people when they speak of the dreaded Covid-19 virus.
The enemy that we can’t see or smell but know it is out there. Folks who haven’t had it are fearful they will. And those of us who have had it are frightened we could catch it again as most of our bodies are still struggling with the ravages left behind. If our bodies have recovered, certainly our spirits haven’t. Neighbors lament about their fears of the impact virtual education and social distancing is having on their children. While senior folks are still behind closed doors of isolation and realistic fear has locked it. The scent of fear is unmistakably in the air so strong it is virtually palpable.
Most of us have been told that fear and faith can’t occupy the same place. But recently, through life’s circumstances, God revealed to me that my own fears are a perverse faith. My fear says I have put my trust in frightening potential outcomes instead of God’s capable hands. My faith that I will perish at the hands of the chaotic culture that I find myself in or fall victim to a financial foe reveals that while I may intellectually hold the thought that God is sovereign, I’m serving the real god on the throne of my existence. Fear. This little god with a big mouth and no legitimate power (2 Timothy 1:7) ascended to the throne by cooperating with its coconspirator called doubt. Doubt is not fear. Doubt is a state of indecisiveness. As soon as I develop a mindset of unsettledness about whom God is and what He is able to do, I become fearful. This is logical. If I am not resting in God’s total authority and care over me and the universe, I should be frightened. The scriptures tell us nothing can stand against God(Roman 8:31)So putting my trust and confidence in anything outside of Him will always result in me being controlled by fear.
A great example of this is when the disciples faced a storm on the sea of Galilee. It was shortly after John the Baptist was beheaded and Jesus went up into the hills to get away to be alone and pray. The scriptures record that the disciples were in trouble and far away from land (Matt 14) The wind became strong and it says the men were fighting the waves. I don’t know about how you are feeling, but in these current days of trouble, I sometimes feel Jesus is far away as I am fighting the continuous strong waves of endless bad news and frightening scenarios of daily life in 2020. However, the scriptures with confirming comfort of the Holy Spirit remind me, even if I can’t clearly see Christ in the midst, He is not unaware of my struggle. In verse 25, It says Jesus came toward the terrified fisherman walking toward them on the water. At 3 o’clock in the morning! I love this because it reminds me, the things I fear are magnified in the darkness. If I go to bed with a slight headache at 10 pm, by 3 am I might have convinced myself that it is a brain tumor. Because the disciples are in such a fearful frenzy, their fear blinds them and they are unable to recognize Jesus. What happens next is Jesus uses some of the most fear arresting words recorded. He says, “Don’t be afraid, Take courage, I am here.” Jesus doesn’t deny that there is a storm, He just says you don’t have to be afraid, that courage is a possible thing to possess because He (Jesus) is present.
Of course doubt continues to court the minds of the men and who else but Peter calls out for proof by asking Jesus to let him walk toward Jesus on the water Miraculously, Peter is able to perform this feat until the scent of fear returns and he turns his eyes toward the raging wind and seas. It is at this moment, Peter begins to sink. How many times have I taken my eyes off of God? How often have I lost sight of His constant abiding love and His power that has total dominion over all things? Enough times to recognize that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach called fear. Just like Peter, if I get distracted by the circumstance of life’s storms, I miss the miracle. I identify with Peter when he cries “Save me Lord”. It says that immediately Jesus took hold of him and they climbed into the boat. I would like to say, I have walked on water more times with my face set like a flint toward the Lord in the storms of life but more often, I am a “Save me Lord,” sinking servant with a struggling faith. However, Jesus is absolutely faithful and always lifts me out of the waves and sets me on dry ground. Despite that Jesus rebuked their lack of faith, it resulted in a worship experience where they were confirmed in their spirits that Jeus really is the Son of God. Everytime, God comes to my aid and rescues me, it ought to lead me in worship and gratitude for who He is.
Even though I am afraid in these troubling days, it is good to be reminded that just like when I am doubting, if I turn my fear over to Christ, He can arrest it. The bible says, “Fear not” or “don’t be afraid” 365 times. That is a scripture for every day of the year to guard our hearts that though we can’t always see God in the midst, He is ever present to lend us His courage and rescue us should we begin to sink. The account of the disciples and the storm says the wind stopped when they returned to the boat. I love how the air smells after a storm. It is fresh and light. It is a good reminder that the next time I smell fear, I need to remember, Jesus is aware and He is able to calm the wind of calamity. . He has the whole world in His hands. In the face of fear, my testimony can be “He really is the Son of God.”
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