“God is good, God is great, thank you for our food, amen.” This was the first prayer I learned to pray. It was taught to me by my parents long before I started school. My brother and I used to argue over whose turn it was to pray, both of us wanting to lead out. Later we argued with the other side, trying to escape the assignment. The great thing about this simple grace is that it is probably the only time I didn’t struggle with prayer in my walk of faith. Later, I was taught the Lord’s Prayer. My Dad emphasized that it was a model for us to follow. We shouldn’t fall into the habit of “said prayers” but instead learn to talk to God in conversation style. He was and is our Father.
As I grew in my faith, my struggle with prayer grew. By the time I reached adulthood, I had developed what I refer to as the ‘Prayer Procrastination‘ model. I would read my bible, journal, think, talk to others, and read books on prayer but just getting down to actual praying was difficult. I would close myself off, try and get quiet, and still my mind, and after a few minutes of sharing all my concerns and a list of what I thought I needed, I found myself at loose ends. I had been taught the concept of praying within God’s will. For many years, I applied the fatalistic resignation perspective that God’s will would be done no matter what I prayed. Therefore, I continued to move into the one-sided approach to prayer. After all, praying was for finding answers, right? It was where I went to change my circumstances and secretly hoped I could change God’s mind about a few things. Looking back, I can see why my prayer life didn’t produce the results I had expected. I realized I had to restructure my basic framework of prayer if I ever wanted my conversations with the Lord to deepen and produce the intimacy between us I felt was missing.
Who doesn’t need intimacy with the God of the universe when your world is falling apart? Nothing like heartbreak, disappointment, loss, and frustration will drive us into the prayer closet. Desperate prayers cannot be faulted for lack of passion, but they don’t often result in exchange. One of the things I began to realize when circumstances didn’t change despite my pleading was that prayer was not designed for me to change the mind of God. Instead, it was and is meant to change my heart.
I began to understand what it meant to pray for God’s will to be done. Not just his will to be done but also the matters concerning me. God moved me to a place of acceptance about what He was doing in and around me, rather than always going away feeling heard but disappointed. That place of acceptance was ultimately transformed into a peace that surpasses all understanding because He was in control.
Often, the answer I had hoped for came to fruition, but certainly, not in the time frame I had asked or hoped for. At other times, I discovered that God had a more incredible and fulfilling way of answering the prayer than I could have ever even been able to consider. I learned that when God said no, I needed not rebel with an unbelieving spirit. Instead, it was a moment or opportunity to grow in my trust that He always has my best interest at the heart of all.
He does this because of His great love for me. The more I grew in this type of praying; it became apparent that I could more easily accept whatever answer He provided. Prayer changed my heart and led me into a more profound longing for His desires. The intimacy that came out of this revelation changed my relationship with the Father.
The fruit of that growth multiplied my gratitude. I became a more contented Christian. Joy began to sprout up in places in my soul where disappointment and unbelief-like mold had grown in the back of my prayer closet. I grew in gratitude about the things God had allowed me to understand and stopped obsessing over what I did not presently comprehend. I still have to be reminded that God has more than enough understanding and foresight for both of us. I learned that worrying, fretting, and analyzing a situation aren’t the same as praying about it.
The other part of my failing prayer life was listening. Yikes! This was an even bigger struggle. Not only did I have to leave behind the ‘Dear God, I am ready to listen, but first, here is my list of the concept of prayer,’ I had to come to a place where I realized prayer was God’s communication network. It is the internet that connects me to heavenly places and some of the glorious mysteries of the Lord. If I would quiet my mind (I used scripture and journaling to do this), I began to develop a longing for the part of heaven that comes to earth through prayer.
Jeremiah 33:3 says,’ Call to me, and I will answer you. I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own” (MSG.)
Jesus told us, “To you, it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to those outside of the faith, they get everything in parables ( Mark 4:11 MSG). I had to learn to shut my mouth when I shut the door to the prayer closet and open my ears!
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait for all the good things that come after this life. I am, according to Christ Himself, living an abundant life now. I liken listening to God and communing with Him in prayer as part of the affectionate facet of our relationship. Praying is holding hands with God, sitting close to Him, and prioritizing that I regard Him as the preeminent person in my life, Jesus, the Lover of my soul. Not out of ritualistic obligation but out of deep love and longing for His company. The scriptures (Prov 18:24) tell us, “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” This fellowship becomes a reality through prayer.
I have taught and spoken to hundreds of folks through the years I have served, and the struggle with prayer is near the top of the list. Some days, I still struggle. I struggle not to do all the talking. I struggle with doubt that is usually born out of awareness on some level that I am simply asking God to do things my way. I struggle to not hurry instead of lingering. Someone once told me Jesus wanted to be the first guest invited to my party in life and would arrive early. He will be the one you want to stay long after everyone leaves and goes home. He will share those moments when you turn down the lights and reflect on the day’s events. He is the friend you just want to excitedly tell one more thing to before you hang up.
I saw recently that the new fad is to do a closet makeover. As I write this, I know my prayer closet still remains a space most in need of renovation. It needs to be bigger where God and I can comfortably commune. It continues to need soundproofing from the voices that beckon that want me to stop and open the door. Most of all, it’s a reminder that despite my struggle, prayer is not where I always necessarily find answers, but something more important, I find Christ. Then I remember that He is the answer.
Come back next time when the 5 o’clock worker examines what it means with “The Struggle, God’s will…Finding my Place.“
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