At some point, all of us have either crossed our hearts or performed a pinky swear over issues that seemed foundational to our peace of mind at tender young ages. Most have sworn allegiance to secret clubs in treehouses or make-do forts. I can still recite my brownie and Girl Scout pledges. We learned early on that promises are serious and unique. I tried very early to get my folks to make promises, so much so that my Dad said I would make a good negotiator and lawyer. This was born out of 2 major things. First, childhood is self-preservational at heart, and second, I knew my Dad was a person of his word. If he promised it, it was happening. This had two sides to it. If I was promised ice cream or extra swim time, it was happening. If it was discipline for breaking a rule… it was happening. Either way, I gained a lot of security and trust by living with people who kept their word.
Then, inevitably, my world expanded, and suddenly, dismay and disappointment appeared, riding on the choppy waves of broken promises. Young friends promise loyalty forever but abandon friendship when a new kid enters the neighborhood. My brother promises you’ll go first, last cookies, and no more secret mean pranks. Yet, I wind up never getting a turn to shoot a basket, the cookie jar is empty, and the antics continue. First, love breaks our hearts, and even adults like our parents and teachers, without intention, break their word over things they have no control over. Suddenly folks are divided between promise keepers and promise breakers. The hardest thing was when I had to face that I fell into both categories. One of the struggles is that a broken promise looks like a lie in the rearview mirror. It could be born in an intentional moment when we thought we had a grip on the truth in a situation, only to understand that what we intended and what we did turned out to be polar opposites.
More serious promises often come later. I have been deposed a few times due to my profession. I have had to swear to tell the truth and testify to a reasonable degree of medical certainty. Then there are our vows to marriage partners and baby dedications. We sign church covenants and pledge allegiance to the United States of America flag. My husband has raised his right hand for the military and then to the city as he took the firemen’s oath to serve, protect, and defend. Those are bigger than crossing hearts and pinky swearing. We place our hands on bibles and swear in front of God and these witnesses to keep our word. While accountability is an excellent form of stewardship to help us from losing our way, Jesus spoke to us about giving our word and said it like this, “Let your yes be yes and your no be a no, and anything in the middle is evil.” So, did this mean that Jesus did not want us to take oaths and vows? Not at all, but He revealed to us that when we take them, we are not to lend God’s name to them to give ourselves more credibility.
This way of thinking implies there are degrees of truthfulness. And somehow, if we attach God’s name or swear by all of heaven or earth, this validates our position as a truth-teller. God is never more truthful or less truthful. He is the truth 100% solid truth that came to earth and proclaimed truth personified, and we beheld it!! This is why Jesus said to say yes or no. Our word is to be consistent with a character manifested in truth. It is prideful and arrogant to try and present myself on the same plane of truthfulness as a holy God. All I need to say is yes or no, be a person of my word, and then live that out no matter the inconvenience or challenge.
It isn’t by accident that these instructional words that Jesus gave us are preceded by the warning about breaking marriage vows. Historically and socially, Jesus knew that many were casually entering and exiting marriage based on self-serving agendas. Some married for large dowries or to advance their position in society. Some guys were ditching their wives because they burned dinner or forgot to let the camel out before bedtime. That is why He spoke with authority regarding the issue of infidelity and said this is reasonable grounds to dissolve a marital union.
God himself understands the spirit of divorce. In Jeremiah 3, God says He granted Israel a decree of divorce based on her unfaithfulness to Him. God’s original intent was a marriage for life between one man and one woman. However, His grace manifests through forgiveness and restoration in our fallen world. He understands infidelity better than any of us who have either suffered as victim or perpetrator. For He himself laments His grief throughout scripture about the unfaithfulness and adulterous behavior of His people who were serial cheaters and unrepentant for many long years but proclaimed the differences were reconcilable. He took her back when she repented. I have loved ones and close friends who have faced this in their marriage.
When all efforts to salvage a relationship have not produced a harvest of repentance and forgiveness, God grants the opportunity to move forward. That does not make those who were committed to the sanctity of marriage a promise-breaker. It means they were hindered in opportunity, not personal capacity. If you have experienced this, your partner’s choice to remain unfaithful does not make you an accomplice to adultery. If you are a soul on the other end who, for whatever reason, justified the choice to choose another, God eagerly waits for your return and is more than able to reconcile you to Himself and restore you if you own up to your broken promises.
Are there other grounds for divorce? Absolutely. Paul says that if an unbeliever chooses to go, let them. Then there are the issues of abuse. Indeed, we are not called to this way of life. But the spirit behind this portion of the sermon about marriage and vows is not exclusive and inclusive of the sum total of God’s word on marriage and divorce. It is about how we, followers of Jesus, are not called to any form of a casual life about integrity and truth. We are to be knowers of truth, intimate with Christ, and speakers of truth, and our actions and choices should be consistent with His truth.
In this world of double talk, noncommital conversation, moral slippery slopes, political correctness, situational ethics, etc., Jesus gave us simple instructions. Yes or No. This will cramp the style of our very flesh. It’s not that simple, or our situation is complicated. Yes or no, He says. We will whine that it is unfair and that yes or no is narrow-minded and intolerant when we are all attempting to avoid accountability and keep our carnal conscience and personal agendas intact. The world I live in constantly calls me to find the middle place, where Jesus said evil hangs out. Truth is what the Promise Keeper of the Ages is and has given me..and if He says it, it is happening!
Lord, your instructions are clear and sharp but rooted in love for me. Help me to be a person of my word and let them be simple so that I may bring honor and glory to you. Help me pour all the broken promises I have experienced into your hands and be reminded you have saved all my tears in your bottle. Thank you, Jesus, that you get this is hard, but you have not called me to anything; you have not given me the strength to carry it out.
Come back next time when the series “Moments on the Mountain” continues with
“The Extra Mile.”
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