The writing of the Chosen life required lots of praying and editing. I faced leaving and taking things out everytime I sat down to write. The challenge to be transparent drove me to my prayer closet many times. This particular blog was like a bruise on my heart. Not devastating, but enough of a bump that it reminded me God is with us in these hard moments that we all face living in a sometimes tough cold world.
With my dad’s lesson about being made in the image of God still fresh in our minds, of course we would have to live it out. I am sure some of you can relate that as soon as you settle on some deep spiritual truth God has placed on your heart, the live out lesson is coming. It’s what I call the digested part of the word. My father’s affirming words about who I looked like tasted good but I was going to get the chance to see the spiritual nutritional value pretty quick to see if it would really hold up under pressure.
A school project came up regarding nationality. I was about 7 yrs old when my class did a project involving the world map. We were to draw little flags, color them and place them on the map where our ancestors and heritage came from. I came home and asked my Mom about this and she said, “ask your Dad.” When my Dad arrived home, I met him at the door and relayed the details of the assignment. His reply was my mom’s family came from Ireland and that his ancestry was English, French and American Indian. I replied that I was not any of these that we knew. Any time I asked my mom questions about heritage she always replied, “you are the Duke’s mixture.” I think this meant my ancestry was similar to Heinz 57, but not sure. I continued my case with Dad regarding the nationality identity problem I faced. I reminded him about how important honesty was. This resulted in a “let me think ” moment for him. Later, he called for me and shared that we should make a flag. We should put a lot of color on it along with moons and stars, and put it at the top of the globe. I said, “Daddy, that’s the North Pole! I’m not from the North Pole am I?” His reply was “No; you are from Heaven and the North Pole is the closest thing on the map.” So, we colored our flags, pasted them on the map and off to school I went. I can remember being nervous, proud and scared.
When it came time for me to share at school, I told them as an American, I probably came from many types of people. But we chose the North Pole because of this, and that God placed me in my family. I remember the room got very quiet and my teacher Mrs. Pioviak began to clap. Whew! That was over…. Until I went out on the playground. A close neighbor’s child knew Daryl and I were adopted. She teased me telling me I did not know what country I was from because I was adopted. She said my real mom didn’t want me. “Who told you that?” I demanded. She replied,”My mom told me and your mom told my mom that you’re adopted.” It was a painful moment. I went back to class and told the teacher I didn’t feel well and could I put my head down at my desk. She, of course, said yes. On the way home, I reviewed what I would tell Dad when he asked about how the project went. I did not want to tell him the truth because he was so proud of what we came up with and I wanted to spare his feelings. But when I reached the driveway, Dad was on the porch and I ran and jumped in his lap and hugged him fiercely. When I confessed the story of the day, it made my Dad cry. I remember feeling guilty over his hurt. All he said to me as he held me tight is how sorry he was. I had a good cry that day.
I cried because I learned that my hero. Dad, who killed monsters under the bed and slayed all the dragons in fairy tales, could no longer fight all my battles.
I cried because I had never felt unwanted. No one had ever spoken those words to me.
I cried because I couldn’t protect He and Mama from others and the hurt they might cause them over me.
Years later, after Mama died, Dad and I talked about this event. I told my father all the reasons I cried. His eyes at 82 became moist, and he said, “Those are the same reasons I cried.” To my parents credit from the time, I arrived until they departed for heaven, they never said one harsh word or bad thing about my birth parents. This is proof of their Godly character, which I refer to as saltiness. They only expressed their gratitude for my surrender, sharing that “my birth parents’ loss was their gain.” Even after my background was revealed to me in my 40’s, and the circumstances surrounding my birth, my folks remained positive. The outcome of the map stung, but I recovered. But — when I did, a little of my innocence left that day. In its place came a sense of responsibility to be a good steward of information.
Always looking for the takeaway, I asked myself what did I learn about God and His ways through this? I learned God was and is certainly with us in all our trials, even as children. His eye is ever on us. God alone is our healer, though He has lots of resources to help. It would be remiss not to review the bridling of my tongue as once again I am reminded that words cut deep. However, though the wound may be deep, God has me rooted far deeper in Him. Eventually, nationality and their flags would take their rightful place on the map. By that time, I knew for certain that the most important flag would be as the Psalmist said, God’s banner over me is love. (Psalm) This is the ultimate flag flying over my life.
In the modern era of Ancestry and advancement of DNA, it has been a wonderful adventure for my family and myself. We have seen pictures and met family from my native country. This blessing has given me, a living perspective of the global worship service John writes about in Revelation 7:9, “After this, I looked and saw a multitude too large to count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the lamb.”
I am reminded that God has given us each a story, a song to sing, and it is much harder to convey when the world, what we view as our audience, turns it’s back. I believe as I move through life and tell of How God has worked and blessed my life, the world may find it to be disconcerting for me to be vulnerable and transparent as I was that day in the classroom. Though others might not grasp that the North Pole is near heaven, the important audience including angels, and Christ Himself are on their feet, cheering loudly and clapping, and God is smiling.
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